Overwhelmed

Lately I've been feeling quite overwhelmed by life. I've been crazy busy, for one thing. I had school five mornings a week this semester, which is okay until it gets to the point where I can't keep up. I can definitely tell when it all started to snowball. Amazingly enough I am still doing okay - my grades haven't dropped, at least not noticeably. And, believe it or not, last I knew I was getting a mid-B in chemistry. So I guess I still have an okay hold on that, even though it feels like it's all slipping through my fingers.

Until recently, I'd also been working six afternoons a week, which probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. That coupled with school five days a week left VERY little free time. I have spent many a night up past midnight doing homework and struggling to catch up.

There's so many of my friends that I haven't talked to literally in months and I feel awful about it. I mean, yeah I've been busy, but that sounds like such a lame excuse and I don't want to call someone up and be like "hey I miss you, sorry I've been busy, wanna go to lunch?" Honestly. I feel like such a horrible friend, but at the same time it's like, there's not much I can do about it! I barely have time for eating and sleeping, let alone doing stuff with friends!

The past couple of weeks have been better, I haven't felt quite as stressed and I felt like I had more time to just kinda chill, or maybe get some other random stuff done (like today I finished a scrapbook I've been working on forever). So yeah, I get a few minutes of free time and summer's coming and what do I do?!?!

I register for summer classes and get a second job. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Ugh. I was all psyched about this last week, but now that tomorrow is almost here - start of finals AND start of my new job - I'm doing some serious second-guessing. Everyone looks forward to summer, no one more than I, but now my summer is going to be just as jam-packed full as the rest of the year. I'm such an idiot.

But at the same time, I refuse to give up my summer classes OR my second job. Though I might cut back my days at the Cafe so I can have two days off each week, but we'll see. We shall see. It'll be okay. I just can't stand to have free time I suppose.

But yeah, tomorrow is my math final, and I've done probably a grand total of 5 minutes of studying for it. Then Wednesday is the chem final, which I've also done hardly any studying for. And I haven't studied at ALL for my Spanish or Psych finals. So yeah, this week is gonna suck. But after that, FREEDOM.

At least until the 21st.

By the way, if anyone knows of a place where I can get cheap plane tickets, specifically to Wisconsin in July, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know.

Thanks!

RANT

I'm so sick of life. Forget everything I said in the last post. I'm sick of life. I want something different. I'm trying hard to be content, and I guess I am content to a degree - as in, if this is where God wants me, I'll trust Him to know what's right. But at the same time, I am SO SICK of being lonely, of the way people around here act when you disagree with them, of not having any free time, of STINKING CHEMISTRY, of my stupid Spanish teacher, of being in this rut. I'm just SICK. OF. IT. Wanna know something? All my best friends except ONE live hundreds of miles away from me. I have ONE FRIEND around here, and that is not an exaggeration. Yeah, there's other people I talk to and hang out with occassionally, but I don't think I would call them friends. It's like, every time I try to make friends around here, everything is fine and dandy until I disagree with something they say and then WHOA WAIT I'M BEING JUDGEMENTAL AND DISRESPECTFUL.

LIGHTEN UP.
If YOU are allowed to have a different opinion on something than other people, then other people are allowed to disagree with you. And yeah, maybe there will be debates and even arguments, but if you really care about the person you won't let those come between you. People can disagree and still be friends - look at basically ALL my friends. There's not one of my friends that we agree 100% completely on everything. But SO WHAT. We can still be friends because we care about each other and we RESPECT each other's beliefs and opnions, and don't expect each other to change to suit the other.

Yes, I believe what I believe. And no, I'm not going to change that belief easily. If you can show me beyond a doubt that I am 100% wrong, I STILL won't change that belief easily, but it will change eventually. Respect what I believe the same way I respect what you believe. Know that I am going to be defensive about what I believe if you attack it, and I expect the same from you. Don't just stop being my friend because I don't agree with you on everything. How boring would that be anyway?

I LOVE MY FRIENDS and I don't want them to mold themselves to MY beliefs. So don't expect me to mold myself to YOUR beliefs. But, even then, I still care for you and I don't think you're being judgemental or disrespectful because you disagree with me.

And if you don't agree with anything I've just said, go away, we don't want you here anyway.

Heh, that last sentence was a joke in case you couldn't tell. Sorry about the ranting and raving, but I have been thinking about this for a VERY long time and it's been bothering me excessively. And then I saw something today that just topped it all off and that was the end of my rope and I HAD to vent somewhere or else I was going to punch something or someone.

Love you guys!

Life Lately

Life has been good lately. I just realized today that the past few days I have actually been happy, which is an improvement. Up until a few days ago, I wasn't sad or angry or anything, just not particularly happy. But since Friday or Saturday I feel like I have my life back under control (obviously it's in God's control and I'm not trying to take that control from Him, but you know what I mean) and I'm caught up on stuff and finally getting it together. I officially decided that I am NOT going to Mary Washington in the fall, I'm going to wait until spring. I'm taking two classes this summer to finish up and get my degree by the end of the summer. Then I'll either take the fall off or only take a couple classes at J. Sarge while working FULL TIME and saving lots of money.

Yay!

Anyway, got a couple of other things taken care of that were kinda weighing on me lately. The only major thing I have to take care of now money-wise is CAR INSURANCE. Blah. Oh well, it could be worse.

So now I have an appointment to take the English CLEP, which is awesome. I've been procrastinating that for a good two years now. Heh. I just have to find out where the place is. Anyone know how to get to Arboretum Parkway? I don't even know if I'm spelling that right.

There's a couple other things I've been meaning to do that I'm just tying up now. One of them is getting a new credit card, one of the rewards kind - w00t!! After that, I'll buy my plane tickets to Wisconsin and my new notebook and pay for school with it so that I'll get to rack up the rewards. Since that's stuff I would pay for with credit card anyway, might as well get rewarded for it, right? hehe!

Anyhow, I'm still crazy-busy. School five mornings a week and work six afternoon/evenings a week makes me feel overloaded sometimes, but that's okay. I'll get through it one way or another. Hopefully I won't fail my chemistry class.

Gnite!