Sometimes It Hurts So Much

I miss...so much.

Being a kid. School at Berea. Living next door to Cyndi and Jason and Mrs Wilson. Playing in the woods across the street. Walking to Kmart. Listening to Avalon on the way to church. Park days. Visiting Gramma's house. Sandboxes. Fresh orange juice. Sleepovers. Carefree days. Dreaming of the future, which is now the present. Claiming cars. The Christian Bookstore. Super Nintendo. Long car trips. Kings Dominion, pre-associate time period. Hanging out in the "tunnel." RJ. Red neons and games of truth or dare.

Another slightly depressed post. Sorry about that, I'm hoping it won't become a trend.

Ever cry and you don't know why?

I feel sad. I dunno. I miss my friends. I hate not having a social life. Well okay, so I have a social life, but it's online and over the phone. And work, you could count work. But I miss being able to go and hang out and do something with my friends.

I've been thinking lately, back over my life, and the last 5 years or so in particular. Everything that's happened, all the people I've known. The people that I haven't talked to in years. I still wonder how they're doing. Some I wonder if they're even alive anymore. That's the hardest part. I just want to know how he is, what he's doing with his life.

I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just felt like writing.

Two posts in a row!

I'm lonely. I want to go to Florida this summer but I don't know if I'll be able to afford it. And then, what about Wisconsin? I want to go there, too. I hate that everything has to be so far away. Why can't Wisconsin and Florida and Virginia and every other place I love be mushed together in one place?

I think I need a hug.

I scared myself for a second there!

Yeah so last night I had the urge to do something I've never, ever done before. Also, I have never, ever wanted to do it before, in my entire life. I mean, honestly...

But, last night, I wanted to go to a club. There, I confessed.

It's true. For about two straight minutes, I wanted to go to a club. So badly, that if someone had asked me during those two minutes, "Hey, you wanna go to a club with me tonight?" I totally would have said yes. I think it's because some of the guys left work early because they were going to a club (or "disco" as the hispanics call it) and I desperately wanted to leave work early for any reason and not have to wait on the grumpy people I was currently waiting on. But, whatever the reason, I wanted to go, too.

Then my sanity returned and I realized that that idea is totally ludicrous. Me? In a club? Psh, if there were a list of the places that I definitely would NOT fit in, clubs would be on the top. Who would have thought that me, goodie-two-shoes queen, would ever in a million years want to set foot in a club?!

But for those two straight minutes, I did. Pretty scary, huh?