I Think I Am Going Crazy

WARNING: Yet another stupid, venting, "I-am-so-lonely," feeling sorry for myself update. You have been forewarned.



What is WRONG with me? I mean, we all know that I have already decided not to like anybody (guys, I mean, of course) right now because I simply don't need the added stress, what with work and school. I mean, this was a conscious and purposeful decision that I made. For the most part I have stuck to that decision.

So why am I sitting here feeling like I'm going to die of loneliness? Why am I IMing Chris, but feel like I'm the only one on the planet? Why do I want to drive all the way to Williamsburg just because of the cute waiter named Daniel at Outback (who, by the way, is one of the best-looking guys I have ever seen, and extremely nice, with an adorable smile and, according to the people I was there with, he liked me too - ok, done gushing).

I know God is in control, I know that He's working in His own time. I know I shouldn't go out with someone just because everyone else is doing it. I know that there is some guy out there for me. I know that I need to just wait on God's timing and it'll be worth it. I know all this.

But it doesn't make me feel better! I'm still so stinking lonely it's not even funny. I'm not angry or upset or anything really, just lonely. I guess it's hard not to be when it seems like everyone around you has someone. I just want someone special to talk to and hang out with. I just with a special guy would come along and sweep me off my feet. (I know I don't need that right now, but that doesn't mean I don't want it to happen.)

Sometimes I just get so impatient.

Grr...now I'm crying. This was a bad idea. I don't know if I'll even post this. Do I really want to put it out there for the whole world to see? Then again, why not? I've never had any secrets from the world before, why start now? But I still think it was a bad idea to even type all this stuff up. I should've just ignored it, maybe it would go away.

I think it's time for bed.