So life is simple. It is on the surface anyway. I mean, anyone who looked at me would probably go, "Wow, she's got it together!" As a matter of fact, I've heard that (or variations of it) said to me more than once. And yeah, I guess everything's going okay.
So why do I still feel lonely? Why am I still crying myself to sleep? Why can't I just let things go? Why can't I figure out what I want to DO with my life?
I try so hard to do what I'm supposed to do - get a good job, go to school, save my money, be a good friend. Not that I do it out of duty, but because it's what I WANT to do. It's who I am. But sometimes, when I get a free moment to be bored of the repetitiveness, I think - really think - about it all. And it's like, okay, I should definitely have a clear goal. I should know what I want to do with myself. I've got all this going for me, what am I going to do with it?
I'll tell you what I want to do - fall in love, get married, and have a family. But they don't give degrees in the study of falling in love, getting married, and having a family, so I have to think of something else to spend my time and money on.
Then I get to thinking - what if I never meet the right guy? What if I never do fall in love? Where does that leave me? I can't imagine it. I honestly cannot imagine myself simply following a career. I mean, I could if I had to, but that's definitely NOT my first choice. I've never even been on a date - how many 19-yr-olds have never been on a date? Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, but you know...I just get lonely sometimes.
I just want Mr. Right to show up. I guess. I dunno, I guess that's my problem. But I don't want to settle for anything less. I don't want to settle for Mr. Almost-Right just because Mr. Right isn't showing up fast enough. But I DO want this loneliness to go away.
God is good and wonderful and gracious, but His timing is not our timing, and sometimes I get impatient. It's something I have to work on.
I guess to sum it up - today I feel like the one and lonely.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
So Clearly Confused
Posted by Samantha Downing at 9:40:00 PM
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2 comments:
First, don't worry about becoming a bit patient. His timing isn't ours, but He is also very tolerant, forgiving, and understanding of our shortcomings. He made us and he loves us, problems and all. As for the rest of it... I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was in the later portion of my seventeenth year. And then, she lived in canada and I was able to only be with her in person for twelve days. That's not even two full weeks. it will happen for you sam, and I know that it will be longer and, since I doubt your one for long distances, probably a bit more personal. Don't doubt yourself, your attractive, smart, and fun. You have great faith and yet are able to accept other's views of the world as their own. And, to top it all off, your a Tolkien fan *grins* and we rock. Its hard, I know, I'm still waiting for Ms. Right, but it'll happen. If you need to talk, you have my number, and again, don't feel too bad for being impatient. Love is all there really is in the universe, even faith is just another aspect of love. And I think that impatience for love is encouraged by the one who gave us the capacity to love. :)
Superchick, right? =D I still like that song.
Bah, what to do with you boy-lovers.... ::shakes head:: Being single isn't a disease, you know....it's just waaaay more fun.
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